THE INSECURE MINISTER

1 Samuel 13:7-9 (NIV 1984) Saul remained at Gilgal, and all the troops with him were quaking with fear. 8 He waited seven days, the time set by Samuel; but Samuel did not come to Gilgal, and Saul’s men began to scatter. 9 … And Saul offered up the burnt offering.

Saul waited the appointed seven days and then felt compelled (v.12) to perform the sacrifice himself, costing him his kingdom. Why did he do this? Why not wait a few more days? Can we blame him? Waiting is often the most difficult thing to do. We are impatient, and ministers are no exception. We have a world to win and a church to grow. Saul had a battle to fight and an army to appease. He was impatient, afraid, and driven by a sense of religious duty, a prosperity gospel-type duty; one that says, "If we do this, then God will do that." It’s a formula. We give $100 and God will give us $1,000 back. If I sign this purity pledge in my youth, God will bless me with a wonderful spouse and a charmed marriage. Generally, obedience indeed brings blessing, and those who live according to God’s Word can avoid some of the pitfalls plaguing a sin-crazed world, but it's not automatic, and Christians are not exempt from problems. When those problems come we can accuse God of not living up to His end, “God, I have served you all these years, faithfully tithed my money, raised my children to love you, and this is what I get?” Our prosperity gospel theology calls on God to perform a certain way when we meet a certain criteria; yet, Christ Himself promises trouble (Jn 16:33). It is not difficult to understand where Saul was coming from. His army was breaking ranks, the enemy was bearing down, and Samuel was late in performing the needed sacrifice for victory. Saul understood that God needed to be involved for him to defeat his enemy. He understood that sacrifice was a part of making that happen, but what he didn’t understand was that sacrifice wasn’t the main thing; it was obedience, and obedience meant waiting on Samuel. Obedience meant doing nothing. It meant trusting God, even while his numbers were depleting; but, Saul couldn’t not do something. It was more important to do the religious thing to satisfy his fear and insecurity than to trust the Lord and His timing. It seemed right. It seems right to us. He thought he was doing a good thing. So do we. He was on the clock and Samuel was late. We too have a timeline, and others need to get on board.

So much of ministry can be driven by fear of failure, and so much preaching is delivered by men with serious insecurities. The minister is expected to deliver the miracle. We all know the stories, the ones where they start a church with 8 people in a basement and grow it to 5,000 and multiple campuses. Deliver the miracle or we find someone else who can. It’s no different than the college football coach hired under contract that the team must average over 25 points per game. It’s a tough field and winning is everything. The minister must deliver the miracle, and he must be the preacher who stirs and motivates every week. No off weeks allowed. Okay, maybe a few, then the grumbling. The minister is set up for failure, and most do. There are relatively few mega-church pastors with multiple campuses; most preachers lead congregations of less than 100 attendees and half lead congregations of less than 65. Failures all, set for reassignment, and we wonder what feeds the insecurity in the man of God.

Ministering out of insecurity occurs when ministry serves a purpose other than God’s; it becomes something to validate the minister, his faith, calling, the need to feel significant, or the inescapable fear of failure. Some change careers in the futile attempt to outrun their insecurities, but those insecurities track like bloodhounds, catching up to their victim, coercing the same people-pleasing responses. Insecurity is at its core an attempt to have others validate us, so we can then feel justified in validating ourselves. When people don’t like our sermons, come to our Bible studies, join our churches, praise our ideas, give us our big break, and ultimately discover how awesome we really are, we get discouraged, and then angry. After all, they are not playing their part. If the church isn't growing, it's not our fault, it’s theirs, because we’re anointed; wonderful things were spoken over us in our youth. It must be their fault. The thought that we are not awesome is unbearable, devastating, and hurts in a deep place we have trouble accessing. Saul was awesome, but his men were deserting. How could they? Shame on them. He simply needs to do his religious incantation and they will stay. God will make them. We do ours. We’ll preach the word more boldly; they’ll feel the power. We’ll preach less boldly, tip-toeing around offensive topics; surely that will draw them. Let’s build a new building. We’re poised to grow and we need a nice building to make that happen. They’ll come then, if not, it will look good on our resume when we decide to “blow this popcicle stand” and find a church that truly appreciates our awesomeness. We’ll keep trying. We’ll find the next thing that growing churches do. We need cool worship with a better band; that will do it. The problem all along, they don’t like our worship. The singers don’t have great voices and they are not modern sounding enough, insecurities driving us all the way, from church to church, or job to job. When will it stop? It won’t! It requires something we’re not giving. We have to stop! We have to wait! We have to trust! It’s not about us and never has been. It’s Him, and I am awesome to Him. Will that be enough? No one knows that, they don’t see it, but will I? “I am my beloved’s and His desire is for me.” (SOS 7:10) There’s no other way to conquer insecurity. He will work tirelessly to drive it from me until the peace of Christ reigns in me (Col 3:15). I will wait. He owes me nothing but has chosen to give me everything, and in time I will minister, less out of insecurity and more out of a place of wholeness. What a destiny! Isn’t Jesus awesome?!